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One thing that I've learned in these 17 years is that no matter what is on your mind or how you feel about something, you should never stop yourself from letting it all out just because you're afraid others won't like what you have to say. It doesn't matter what other's think about you. If they don't like you, oh well, screw them. You shouldn't have to waste your time with hateful people like them. Just keep true to yourself and never regret what happens. Something goes wrong, oh well oh well, dwelling on it isn't going to change anything. You just have to move on. It's your life, not theirs, so don't let them control you.

Unfortunately, I learned this lesson too late. I feel like such a hypocrite because now, I'm dwelling on a mistake and regretting some of the stuff I've done and said. Never was I able to tell my Dad that I don't want to be what he wants to be; I want to be my own person. Instead, I took in his dream and accepted it, agreeing with everything he said. I have lied too some people and hurt them emotionally which in turn lead me too lose one of the most important things to me; their friendship. All those lies and hurtful words spilled out of my mouth; I couldn't control myself. I felt that it's not a crime if I don't get caught, but I was wrong. First came the guilt that filled my mind and stomach. I thought it would go away after a while, but the more I lied, the worse it got. Then that one day when all was revealed, it hit me hard. I lost more than just a friend; I lost myself. It was bad enough that the walls were collapsing, now they were falling on me. I was trapped in a dark place on my own. No matter how many times I apologized and tried to explain myself, they were gone, for good.

But now, now I realize that it was all for the better. As the light started to penetrate through the collapsed walls,  I realized there was still hope. As I started rebuilding the walls, I modified them. A new person was being formed, one who would no longer lie to feel good. I took in all the problems from my life, court, loss of friends, dropping of grades, and used them. No longer would my voice go unheard. It's a long process, but slowly and surely, I've been building myself up from the ground up.

My point is that for too long, I lied a lot and took my Dad's dream of who I should be as my own. After a while, I started to believe my lies and that his dream was my dream too. Now...now I am starting to do things the way I want them to be done. No more people controlling me or stopping me from saying what I want too. Never stop yourself from being heard. We only live once, so live it the way you want too and never go unheard.
I know this was a little jumbled up post, but I guess the point I'm trying to make is that when the end of the road hits, will we be able too look back and say that we enjoyed the ride?